embracing life

I am in a writing mood today and can’t even explain why. Sometimes days, moments, hours just seem to lend themselves to writing and this seems to be one of those times. J Contemplativeness seems to reign in my soul today and desires to sing out for some reason so beware of this song.

I’m currently allowing my fingers to rapidly though somewhat pensively type my laptop’s keys as m my eyes wander over the red, tan, and green striped wall paper of the wall opposite me. My feet are perched up on the seat before me and the skylight allows yellow sunlight to flood the ceiling and my boot here at Revue. This truly is my favorite coffee spot in town. Something about it just lends an air to writing, creativity, to thinking. Sometimes I think we can get so caught up in rushing around, in being busy, in moving on to the next and next and next thing that we forget to really seize and look at the stripes in the wall paper. This coffee shop seems to tells us to slow down, to wait, to think and ponder and not run away and hide from our thoughts as we are so apt to do. Rather we need to embrace them. I think its easy to run away, its easy to want to hide—especially from feelings which hurt us deeply yet how to embrace those as well? How to step out and allow yourself to feel rather than running?

I don’t want to run away. Something I’ve been feeling really convicted about especially over these last few months is how incredibly and insanely busy I was my final semester at Pacific. I loved everything I was doing and wouldn’t have wanted to not do any of it, yet at the same time I am also realizing that I was on that merry go round of busyness and its hard to get off. As much as I know I need to work a certain amount in order to live and I need to go to school and I know it will be busy to an extent, I think that’s the important phrases—to an extent. I don’t want to get so caught up in what I am doing that I miss who I am doing it with or what I am learning from it. Its like I want to embrace the experience instead of rush through it. I do feel this need to slow down, to smell the roses if you will, or the iced mocha that happens to be sitting beside me. To take time to connect with someone who maybe needs a few bucks for a sandwich, or maybe someone who just wants to talk and be your friend, even if it is for no apparent reason. I don’t want to miss out on any of those opportunities.

I was just up at Camp Keola for 2 weeks, speaking to jrs and jr. highers and learned so much about what it means to connect with people. What it means to be real with them. There were so many times where some one would ask me a question that I couldn’t answer, yet sometimes the answer wasn’t needed all that was needed was a hug and just someone to hold them and to know that its going to be okay. And sometimes I realize that I am that very person even though its hard to realize it. Sometimes, as we all do, we need someone to hold us and tell us its going to be okay. I think its easy to run from that-easy to run from those feelings of vulnerability, instability and confusedness. Yet instead maybe those are the times we turn to God and to family. And family in a large sense of the word. I realized recently that family is bigger than just biology. Family is the people that you trust, the people that you love and who love you. Sometimes I think God intentionally places people in our life to be his face to us. Those people are family.

Still so many questions, so many unanswered thoughts and musings. Yet that is okay. And learning to trust despite or perhaps because of those ponderings is a good thing…right?