joy

It feels like its been so much longer than 10 days since I last wrote. J Perhaps that’s because so much tends to happen here. Its funny because I’m not “busy” in the sense of running around crazy and can’t get off the merry-go-round busy (did that last semester, probably not the best idea), yet life is definitely full. However, its full in a good way-full of time to reflect and hang out with God, full of time teaching Jason and learning Thai, full of conversations with good friends, full of time painting the Davis’s new home in Chatchensago, full of time of processing and discovery. I love it.

As I type tonight, I’m listening to Switchfoot’s Concrete Girl. That song is all about masks and how easy it is to break down-how we try so hard not to crack our façade but in all honesty our masks are cracked and worn, yet it seems like we just keep plastering more paint and glue on to keep them together. It corresponds a lot with what I’ve been reading in Brennan Manning’s book, Abba’s Child. In his book he talks a lot about what it means to belong to God as his Beloved child and how to rest secure in that. Its so easy to forget, hey? I love this quote. Manning and Nouwen in the same paragraph talking about what it means to be beloved by God. “Writing to a New York intellectual and close friend, Henri Nouwen stated, ‘All I want to say to you is, ‘You are the Beloved, and all I hope is that you can here these words spoken to you with all the tenderness and force that love can hold. My only desire is to make these words reverberate in every corner of your being-“You are the Beloved”. Anchored in this reality; our true self needs neither a muted trumpet to herald our arrival nor a gaudy soapbox to rivet attention from others. We give glory to God simply by being ourselves.” (Manning, p. 52, the parentheses are ingrained in me from college, sorry if it bothers you).

Manning goes on to talk about the beauty of silence and solitude. The beauty of having those intimate moments with God where it is just you and him and no one else. Sometimes I think it is so easy to escape those moments, to seek to hide from them, yet perhaps really God wants to give them to us as a gift. Maybe we just have to take it. I’ve been learning so much about what it means to be intimate with God-what it means to listen and wait on him. Its like sometimes I’ve encountered those “thin places” (a friend once called it that and I love her phrase) where the curtain between me and God begins to become transparent. Where I begin to sense God’s heart in a deeper, more alive way. It reminds me of C.S. Lewis’s description of heaven in The Last Battle, everything was realer and richer-sometimes I think I catch small and brief glimpses of the character of God and it is such a humbling experience.

Manning says, “Silence is not simply the absence of noise or the shutdown of communication with the outside world, but rather a process of coming to stillness. Silent solitude forges true speech. I’m not speaking of physical isolation; solitude here means being alone with the Alone, experiencing the transcendent Other and growing in awareness of one’s identity as the beloved. It is impossible to know another person intimately without spending time together. Silence makes this solitude a reality. It has been said, ‘Silence is solitude practiced in action.’”(p.56). What do you think? I love this idea of silence is solitude practiced in action-such a beautiful way to say it and so true, hey?

I’ve also been experiencing a lot of joyful moments this past week. I’m trying so much to just live in the present and cherish each moment as my time here begins to draw to a close. The kids next door to me, Jonas and Noemi are so much fun to play with. They truly bring me delight each day. I’ve become “Aunt Melody” to them and it makes me smile every time they say it. Every time Jonas comes up and whispers a secret in my ear, or Noemi sidles over for a hug. I wrote this yesterday: “A hug from Noemi is enough to bring joy to my heart. Joy that wells up without understanding. Love and compassion, her simple trust in our friendship is so true and so real. Sometimes I want to cling to these moments forever.”

Jason and I had a really great study day today. He is also so much fun to be around-I love his creative and imaginative mind. I’ve discovered that rewarding him with a new book after earning a certain number of points is working really well for his motivation to complete schoolwork with a good attitude. I’m blessed to feel like at last I’m connecting with him. This last weekend, as we were down in Chatchensago, painting the Davis’s new house, Jason and I had a few fun moments-whether it was dumping suds on each other as we washed walls, threatening to paint each other, or playing chess-it was good to connect. I hope that connection lasts for a very long time.

So exciting to see what God is doing. Here in Thailand, back in the States, in me as a person, in the people around me. I love being a part of it and having this chance to serve others. It is such a gift and so precious. Learning to live with open hands to God and an open heart—challenging yet so joy giving too