shout of joy?

March 12, 2008

So, once again I sit at my computer needing wanting eager to write. Its funny how these needs come over me sometimes-stories that need to be told, words that need to be written. And you my dear readers, I thank you so much for taking the time to read what I write. It is so encouraging to know that my words are being read and heard and perhaps cause you to think thoughts that you would not have otherwise.

Last Monday, my friend Kat and I went to Ayutthua, the city which used to be the capital of Thailand, by train! We spent the whole day there and biked around the city looking at different ruins, monasteries, wats (Buddisht temples), the reclining Buddha, and beautiful scenery. There was something about biking around the city that gave it such a different flavor than on foot-more freedom perhaps. There was one moment where I was biking by a river that had a grove of trees lining its banks. The leaves were dancing in the water and in the slight breeze. This sense of pure joy just washed over me and I almost laughed from the giddiness of it!

There were harder moments that day too. At one of the most prominent temples we were walking around it just looking. As we passed by one of the sides, there was this little boy-mal-nourished and with legs only to his knees (from then it was just like he had stumps), small arms, and empty eyes. He was sitting with his pink backpack on the temple steps. One of our group mentioned, “Poor kid.” “yeah,” I said in response but I looked to the ground unable to understand the intensity of hurt that had entered my heart. As we kept walking, I kept thinking-unable to get the little boy’s face out of my mind. I kept thinking of what my pastor, James, had told me about loving one person at a time, and loving the person that is in front of me. I wanted to give him money, but knew that he probably wouldn’t get it. I thought about giving me water but wasn’t sure he would appreciate it and then I thought—ice cream. If he was there when I got back, I would buy him ice cream. As we rounded the building and came to the front-there he was. I stood for a while-looking at the temple and pondering what to do in my heart. I bought him a strawberry ice cream and gave it to him with some money. The faintest, tiniest glimmer of a smile seemed to pass over his face in just an instant. Yet his eyes remained empty. As I went up the temple steps it felt like God was just breaking my heart-for this child and all the hundreds that are here. I’m opening my eyes-now what am I going to do about it?

Psalm 126 is a psalm my friend, Audrey, gave me to reflect on while I was here last time. I think I am going to memorize it while I’m here. It says:

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,

we were like those who dream.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter,

And our tongues with shouts of joy,

Then it was said among the nations;

‘The Lord has done great things for us,

and we rejoiced’

Restore our fortunes, O Lord,

Like the watercourses in the Negeb.

May those who sow in tears

Reap with shouts of joy

Those who go out weeping,

Hearing the seed for sowing

Shall come home with shouts of joy,

Carrying the sheaves.”

Sometimes I feel like I am pleading with God-will I go back with shouts of joy? And how can these experiences fill me with joy even now? the rest of the day was good though more thoughtful. sometimes I wonder if I think too much or feel too deeply but in one way its this burning desire in me to tell these stories and experiences. thank you for being a part of them. you are a part of the story and I hope that hearing my experiences will perhaps encourage you to think and dream dreams that you would have possibly not otherwise. God bless you.